Say you're sorry! Want more of connecting apologies?

Say you're sorry! - Excuse-toi!

Do you use these words? What kind of results have you noticed?

Or do you remember being forced to say them? How did you feel? Was your apology truly sincere?

I am sharing this to invite you to explore a more connecting way to apologize —a way I find more sincere and healing for both parties.

It’s a way that doesn't assign right or wrong, victim or perpetrator, blame or shame.

It's a way that embraces the humanity in each of us and allows for learning and growth.

I believe that if I've done or said something that has impacted someone, and they want an apology, what they really want is an acknowledgment of what they are experiencing.

They want me to fully understand the intensity of their feelings and emotions: the hurt, the pain, the surprise, the disappointment.

They want to be seen and understood, first and foremost.

This doesn't require me to agree with them!

At that point, the focus is entirely on understanding what truly matters to them.

What is it that they care about so deeply in this moment?

Is it friendship? Consideration? The need to feel valued? Transparency? Trust?

By keeping the focus on what is so important to them, they will often start to relax and appreciate the space they've been given to feel heard; and they may even become willing to hear my own experience of the situation.

Then, it's my turn. I can express how grateful I am that they shared this with me and affirm that I also value friendship, trust, and consideration. I can then explain how deeply sad I am that my actions or words had this effect on them, because I care about our relationship and about their well-being.

From there, we can explore together what we could do to address this and what we can learn for next time.

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I'd like to know if it inspires you?

Would you like to hear more about it?

Comment here or contact me via email, thank you!