Conflicts: let’s explore why we dread them

More than often, we don’t engage authentically when we disagree with someone, as we fear conflict. Especially when we think we have less power than our interlocutor.

I believe that in many societies, we are trained to either submit or rebel when power is used against us, in a either/or choice implying that one of the opponents has to give up some (or all) of what matters to them while the one with more power will impose their way.

In this binary conception of relationships, conflicts therefore create a scary gulf between people, along with shame, guilt and resentment. 

Lack of mutual understanding, fearful disconnection, defensive antagonism, frustration and anger, writhe inside us, causing discomfort and pain.

I see this as violence (and sometimes extreme violence), as no care is given to the relationship and to each of the adversaries. 

They both find themselves in a fight, fly or freeze reaction with a sympathetic nervous system fully activated by their reptilian brain in an instinctive attempt to protect them from the threat.

No wonder why many of us don’t like conflicts!

🤪

How about you, what has been the worst conflict you’ve ever been facing or fearing? Do you recognize the above patterns?

A lighter question:

Have you ever experienced a conflict as an opportunity to strengthen your relationships and co-create solutions ?

Would you share your experience in comment, to inspire readers?